My Dear Sisters,
There has been something that has been on my heart for a little while now… and I know it is definitely not the easiest of lessons to learn, but Yah put it on my heart to share, so I will share!
I grew up in a very strict religious home, and was regularly sat under preaching and teaching that was more “hell-fire and brimstone.” I remember wriggling in my seat, not because what was being said convicted me… but because it FELT wrong. I grew up fearful of “God’s judgement” with NO grace to balance it out. In the teaching I sat under, there was no room for error. THIS was right, and THIS was wrong… Personal convictions were taught as doctrines and there was no middle area, even if the scripture was twisted a little to get the point across.
I remember even as a child wondering why anyone would be attracted to this religion when it seemingly contradicted itself. Sure, the fruits of the spirit and a fulfilled life of peace and joy were talked about… but there was nothing of the fruit of the spirit demonstrated in it, and I for sure never felt peace and joy!
I remember watching people come into church, try their hardest for a while, and then leave, terrified and confused by the intense spirit of dogmatism, judgement and harsh interpretation on what is right and wrong, and if you do wrong “you’ll burn in hell!” Even for myself… nothing was more disheartening than when I was earnestly trying to learn and do what was right, and I got slammed for the areas I still had it wrong in. There were times I honestly wanted nothing to do with God, faith, or anything that had to do with either.
As I’m sure you know… the power of the tongue and words is something that is taught about often in Scripture, and Yah had to take me through a pretty intense journey on learning the lessons of the tongue. I freely admit that I don’t know it all, but here are two things the Lord really impressed on my heart.
Firstly,
My words should ALWAYS be a reflection of the fruits of the Spirit
“But the fruit of the Ruach is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control—against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23)
A very simple way to evaluate if my words have been a reflection of the fruits of the Spirit is in the reaction of the person I am speaking to. Are they simply uncomfortable because of what I said? Or have they put up their defenses and are on high-alert?
Someone can know you don’t agree with them without feeling they are under attack by you. Even in a situation where I may have to share some hard truths I NEVER have reason to be unkind. And if I am, I need to evaluate my own heart in the matter before I speak another word.
Before I share my other point, I want to address something I KNOW people will bring up… and that is
“What about restoring a brother who is in error? Am I not taught in Scripture to judge and to help bring them back into the truth?”
I trust that you know enough about Scripture to be able to fill in the blanks with passages and such concerning this topic, but right now I am simply here to share what Yah has taught me in the matter.
Passages such as Matthew 18:15-17, Galatians 6:1, 1 Timothy 5:20, etc. DO in fact tell us we have the ability to correct others, but there are certain parameters that should be considered before doing so.
1. Judgement/correction should only be administered if someone is WILLFULLY and CONSISTENTLY in the wrong.
I think of various passages through scripture that speak of those who “continue in sin” or speak of rejecting someone after a “first and second warning.” This is where Yah has been teaching me that just because someone says or does something once, that may not be something that is truly in their spirit to do/say.
When someone is learning something, it is a journey. There are things they learn that are truth, and things that are a little twisted from the truth, and things they are totally blindsided in that are wayyyyyy off from Scripture. But that being said… what is the spirit behind them? They are LEARNING. They are WANTING to walk in truth. So to judge and correct harshly when someone is in the spirit of learning is not right.
Imagine a baby learning how to walk and you yell at him every time he falls down. Does that instill confidence? Of course not! We encouragingly tell him it’s okay, get up, and try again! Sometimes we have to reach out our hand and help them to get up or walk, show them HOW to do it, but it is still done kindly and encouragingly. I feel it is the same with Sisters desiring to know the truth. I find the majority of the time when judgement/correction is administered, it is not actually needed in that situation.
Also note… just because someone does not believe the exact same as we do does not mean they are “willfully sinning.”
Now, if someone IS sinning to the point of needing judgement/correction, it will be clear because it is something that is a continual part of their life with no spirit of repentance whatsoever.
2. It Should be Done PERSONALLY
One thing to keep in mind that in scripture when it speaks of going to a BROTHER… this generally means someone that you know who they are, and at the least are sure of where their spiritual standing and understanding is. You KNOW them enough to be sure they actually ARE a brother.
Basically, not just any stranger that says something you don’t believe to be right. This is what makes social media so scary. We rarely truly know where someone is in their spiritual journey when the only exposure we have with them is done on a social media platform. So GREAT care should be taken that we know where someone is personally before you say something that could, Yah forbid, tip them over the edge in a devastating way.
3. It should be done PRIVATELY
In Matthew 18 in particular, it says
15 “Now if your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault while you’re with him alone. If he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take with you one or two more, so that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may stand.’ [b] 17 But if he refuses to listen to them, tell it to Messiah’s community. And if he refuses to listen even to Messiah’s community, let him be to you as a pagan and a tax collector.”
There are DEFINITIVE STEPS when it comes to correcting or passing judgement on someone. FIRST you are to speak to them privately. ONLY if they do not listen are you to address it with more people, and it says here only one or two. And only after they have not listened to the few of you do you bring it up in a public capacity. That is an absolute last resort, and again… this is in reference to someone who is willfully and consistently behaving and speaking in a way that is against the Truth.
4. It should be done in a GENTLE and NON-CONFRONTATIONAL way
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught doing something wrong, you who are directed by the Ruach, restore such a person in a spirit of gentleness—looking closely at yourself so you are not tempted also.” (Galatians 6:1)
Let’s be honest… if you yourself are struggling with an area and someone comes at you in an aggressive manner, you feel attacked, right? Instead of evaluating what they said, your defenses IMMEDIATELY go up, and this hinders the spirit of learning. This is not a matter of words, but basic psychology. Yah knew this to be the case, so in His Word he tells us to approach someone with a spirit of gentleness.
Now, does approaching someone with gentleness mean we should not share the truth? Absolutely not! But there is definitely a way to share with someone the areas they are wrong in that invokes a spirit of calm motivation and conviction to figure out what is wrong and do right instead of them feeling like I just cut them down. There will be a few who truly need judgement and correction who will reject all forms of rectification regardless of how you approach them, but that number is VERY few. Growing up in ministry and connected with countless other families in the ministry, and hundreds of situations, I can only think of once when a situation was dealt with CORRECTLY that it was not well received.
I could say more on this topic, but to try to keep it to the point, I’ll move on.
Last and most importantly what Yah has taught me is that
My Tongue is my Testimony
And I am accountable for every word.
In Colossians we are told to “Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt.” (Salt often said to refer to the witness of our testimony.)
The most important thing Yah has taught me is that many times my speech is the main way I share my testimony. Even if I am saying something that may be hard for the other person to hear, I can still say it in such a way that keeps peace and instills motivation in the other person rather than them feeling like I just cut them down.
ESPECIALLY when it comes to dealing with a non-believer or a new follower of Torah, I have the opportunity in how I speak to them… my tone, my words, etc. to attract them to the light of Yeshua and the truth in the Torah or to push them away.
The way I speak to people has honestly been one of the hardest lessons to learn, and I still struggle so hard sometimes! But Yah has been teaching me that I AM accountable for my spoken testimony and there is never occasion to even SOUND unkind with my words, even if the words themselves have nothing wrong with them.
We have such a great opportunity and responsibility when it comes to our words, especially when it comes to speaking to other Sisters who are learning and growing along side of us! We have the opportunity to help shape how our learning sisters think of believers and Yah, and that is such a great responsibility! Not one that should be taken lightly.
I don’t know about you, but it is so exciting to me to realize that the words I share can attract and excite someone even further in their walk with Yah… and at the same time very sobering to think that the words I share can also discourage, confuse and deter someone from their walk with Yah.
We have such a blessed opportunity and responsibility here, and my prayer is that we use our words wisely, for the building up and encouragement of each other and pushing each other onward and upward in our journey of obedience and walking in Truth.
Shalom my Sisters!
